This is quite possibly the hardest thing I will ever write. It brings up alot of emotions and things I have not thought about in a while. I just want to let everyone know where I came from, to see how far I have come and why I believe every word of what I am writing through my blog and why I am so passionate about helping others find serenity and their purpose.
We will go all the way back to elementary school so you can get the whole story, so ever since I was in elementary school, I remembered getting migraines. A lot of those were probably due to stress. I had test anxiety, social anxiety, and I was always very active and hyper which led to me getting into trouble a lot. My mom and dad decided it was best to homeschool and took me out of public school for middle school grades. In those years, I became really depressed and started doing bad things to my body like trying to lose weight by throwing up or starving, I was a cutter and I actually tried to kill myself once. The doctors told me and my parents that God had something better planned for me since I was still alive because they didn’t know why I should be. That should have been a turning point but sadly it wasn’t.
I was brought to a mental hospital for a month and got prescribed a few things for depression and anxiety which were suppose to help my migraines too. I also had to see a psychiatrist for a long time after that and I was labelled with many disorders and problems. I returned to 9th grade in public school which they thought might help with my emotional problems and I was ready for that. I was always a very social person and loved friendships so I loved the idea! Upon returning to public school, I got into a lot of trouble with overusing prescription pills and was turned in to the principal and arrested. I went to rehab for a few weeks and we dealt with a lot of family stress and issues while I was in there.
After getting out of rehab, I went to alternative school where I met some great friends. Somewhere in those years, my parents divorced and I was suppressing those feelings as well. I spent a lot of time with one friend in particular from the alternative school and we actually went trick or treating together (This was at 15 years old). That year was the year that I met my now husband and quite possibly saved me. A lot of things had to line up for us to reconnect and I now see it was a TOTAL GOD thing!
He was the best person I had ever met. He respected me and brought me back to church. He did not approve of all my drinking and other bad habits and eventually told me that it was all the crazy stuff or him. I am so glad God had his hand in there because I know on my own, I would have made a wrong choice. It wasn’t easy from there on either, I was still on medications and labeling myself with problems and using those to excuse the ways I behaved as well.
With our relationship over the years we have had trials, break ups, unfaithfulness, yelling matches, slammed doors, walking away, but we always found our way back to each other (again TOTAL GOD thing!) We tried for our first baby when we were engaged and got pregnant on the first time (we actually started to think someone was infertile because there had been no “oops” anytime before) When we found out, we had to scoot up the wedding a bit. While I was pregnant I decided to wean off all medications since I didn’t want my baby to be exposed to anything like that.
While I was pregnant I was great for the most part, it was a pretty easy pregnancy. After I had Tyler, I battled post partum depression and stayed at home most of the time. I gained a lot during the pregnancy and had no eagerness to get out of bed and definitely not to a gym. I finally returned to an antidepressant to get me out of the slump which helped enormously. I had taken them until we decided to have another baby and that was when we had an early miscarriage in 2011. That was really hard on me and I fell into depression yet again. I know it’s exhausting to even write out all the times I have been depressed and the emotions I have battled with but I promise there is a light at the end of the story 🙂
Months later we decided to try again and I was petrified I was going to lose the baby again and was nervous the entire time I was pregnant. On Mothers day of 2012 we got into a wreck and again PETRIFIED something was wrong with the baby but another TOTAL GOD thing and he kept us safe. In August 2012 we had Samuel. I was so excited but again I felt the depression coming on again and went back to the doctor to start the medicine to get me off to a good start with my new baby. I also couldn’t take many medications since I breast fed both. For 4 years after I had been up and down and started to have panic attacks which felt like I was going to either pass out or die which increased the anxiety. My doctor told me to look into what I was eating and getting healthier.
So I started to get my body back in shape and look into healthy eating for my growing family. I moved to Birmingham in 2016 and took a job that I thought was going to launch my career and end my panic attacks and stress but ended up not being what I thought it would be. I was really stressed out and working crazy times and long hours to make sure the business ran smoothly. It was a lot of pressure and my home life suffered as well as my relationships with my boys. I never had time to see them and when I did I was so exhausted I just wanted to lay down on the couch and binge watch episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries, or find old episodes of the OC! So I did that for a year and I just had a realization that I didn’t want to live like that and I was so angry with everyone I couldn’t stand myself.
I changed jobs which helped my emotional situations but it wasn’t enough. I would still just get angry or depressed for no reason. I was tired and ill at everyone and was still smoking at this time trying to ease this dissatisfaction with life in general. I started looking into getting healthier options for my mood and emotions and through that I started being on Pinterest. Now in the meantime, my mom has used these snake oil stuff for years and have left several behind for me to use and try and I wasn’t having it! I thought she was crazy talking about how oils can help support sleep and if I rub a dab Peace and Calming on my kids it would support them. I thought she was losing it!
So among the Pinterest posts I was bing-ing on, it said if you rub Purification on the inside of your shoes that oil would help to freshen and eliminate odors. I have always had stinky feet so I figured why not?!?! She had left some of that behind and so I tried it on my shoes and abracadabra the smell was gone. Now I was still skeptical but after it lasted a few days of me wearing the shoes, i started thinking what else have been missing out on? If this little thing could take the smell away from my life-long issue with stinky feet then what else could these little oils do right?
I then went to lemon and started putting 2 drops in my water everyday and started loving to drink water again! Did you know lemon vitality oil includes the naturally occurring constituent limonene which is AHHHMAZING (just google it). I was also working out and starting to notice alot of people were using PanAway after exercise applied to neck and back anytime for a soothing and stimulating aromatic
experience. I was interested in getting more and realized the best deal was the kit since it included what I wanted to try and the others, i ordered the kit, started diffusing the oils and the very first night I put lavender and peace and calming in and was amazed at the results. I snatched up the Stress Away and started it right away. I have some oils I have been using for my unpleaseant tension and emotional support too.
With turning my life around and gaining more knowledge and changing my attitude, its been 4 months since I have had any panic attacks. I am truly grateful for the support I have been led to. I am so excited to see what opportunities come next as I learn how to utilize more from nature. I am so happy from this income as well. I have seen friends grow to change their stars and make a greater life for their family but their children’s family as well. I am talking about life-changing growth and opportunities to give back in ways I have never even dreamed of.
I am in the beginning now but I know this is completely possible and achievable. I am so excited for the opportunities and friendships I have already been exposed to just by surrendering to the possibilities and knowing looking back I will be able to say that this was a TOTAL GOD thing too!! I want you to experience this freedom with me too and realize that you do not have to live your life suffering!
If you want to watch my video I recently posted to just hop on over to my channel here